advice, beautiful, beauty, Body image, career, diet, eating, emotion, exercise, feelings, fitness, fittie, happiness, healthy, HIIT, inspiration, internship, Kait Moffatt, love, money, motivation, Quarter-life crisis, relationships, romance, romantic, twenty something, twenty somethings
I am a few short weeks away from finally turning 25, and it seems like I am more lost now than I ever have been in terms of where my life is headed, or where I want it to be headed. My dichotomy of career and passion, fate and chosen path, has been blurred. My brain has never been so fuzzy, and for those of you who know me, you’re probably thinking “that’s really hard for me to believe, because you’re brain has always been fuzzy”.
I am the type of person who worries too much; I am the type of person who creates scenarios in my imagination and I am let down or relieved if they do or do not happen in real life; I am the type of person who would rather do whatever makes the rest of the world happy rather than make my own decision; I am also the type of person who can never decide what I want.
After 6 years of gruesome post-secondary education, part-time work and barely-making-it’ing, I am now finding myself unmotivated, feeling untalented, lacking in confidence, feeling lost with no drive to make changes. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt defeated, and I am not even 25.
Now, this post is going to take a turn for the better. Upon feeling lost, lifeless, useless and unremarkable, I have consciously decided to make a couple of changes that ultimately have began to lead me back to shore.
If you’re feeling unremarkable in any way, for any reason, try a couple of these, if not all of them.
1. Consciously decide to be a happier person.
I thrive on negative emotion, and it has gotten the best of me. My artistic side is purely driven by sadness, and I am choosing to change this. I’m not telling you to force a smile when it is undeserving, I’m telling you do make a mental decision to legitimately feel happy. Yes, you can choose to do this. You can tell your brain “hey dummy, its time to lighten up”. If you’re anything like me, you have to remind yourself fairly often to be happy, but at least it is solely in your power. Trust me, and try it.
2. If you’re unhappy with the way you look, change it.
I have always had the lady-balls to cut my hair any which way I wanted and been able to confidently rock it. My body image, however, suffers greatly, and never have I liked the way my body looks. I dressed according to my perceived “strong points”, so I could give the impression that I was confident in public. Recently I did research on at-home exercises, because once again I have plateaued, and I came across a video that explains how to loose weight without mundane cardio. I did not download the authors book, but I researched High Intensity Interval Training exercises, and I am already seeing changes after 5, 20 minute sessions. And, there are a ton to choose from! Just bite your tongue and do it. You sweat and nearly vomit, but its over in 20 minutes, and its done. Exercise will always make you feel better about yourself no matter what. Its science. But, exercise also does a lot for the psyche when you set your mind to do something, and you just do it. If you already love your body but you feel like you need a change, cut your bangs. Even if you hate them, you look different, and if you feel different than you did when you were unhappy, then you are already one step ahead.
3. Understand this: Just because someone else is doing better than you, doesn’t mean they are actually better than you.
The universe has never really worked in my favor, and I am feeling this more than ever lately. What I, and you, need to understand is that, just because other people seem to have everything figured out, it doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re not a bad person because someone says “you’re not doing this right” or “you should have done an internship” or “you’re obviously not doing something right”. Don’t get down on yourself simply because your hard work is not paying off. And never think that, just because you didn’t get your dream job, means you’re not good enough. There are a lot of politics in the world that are out of your control that dictate who gets where, and when. Just work your hardest, don’t beat yourself up, and look yourself in the mirror and say “I’m fabulous no matter what” because well, you are. Does your beautiful neighbor have a 6 figure career and you’re making minimum wage? Cool. Can they paint a landscape like you can? Write a poem like you can? Make people laugh as much as you do?
Judge your wealth based on what you offer the world, not in numbers.
4. Stop trying to figure everything out.
There are things in life that should be left in the hands of the universe, or God, or whatever higher power you believe or don’t believe in. Why didn’t they call you back? Why do you suddenly hate your job? Should you move, or stay? If you are constantly looking for a sign, stop. If you think the universe, or God, Allah etc. is trying to tell you something, then just leave it be and let it be as it shall be. Things tend to work themselves out just as they should be, sometimes completely differently than imagined. But, just let it happen. If you get fired from a job, its because there is something else in store. Trust me on this. If you think you should do something because its the easiest way, then it is probably the wrong choice, and this will be realized in time, but leave it up to the higher power’s to show you.
5. The more you stop comparing yourself to others, the sooner you will be at peace with yourself.
She has nicer clothes, he is making more money, she’s so committed, he’s got everything all figured out – so what? You are who you are and who you are is a one-of-a-kind masterpiece. Do you have a muffin top and she doesn’t? Can he afford the clothes you wish you had? They are not you, and that means you’re already one step ahead of them. If everyone in the world were blind, make sure that you would still stand out in the crowd. The less you focus on the rest of the world, the more you will realize how unique and wonderful you are. And knowing how beautiful you are is the key to being beautiful to everyone else.
This all takes time and I am only beginning, but so far so good.