After reading this mildly sad yet moderately uplifting blurb about What It Means To Date A Girl Without A Father, I came to realize that there is more than one type of us out there. There are girls who were not abandoned in the common sense of the word, and there are girls who have not witnessed a traumatic divorce, or death. There are some of us out there who simply were not meant to have fathers, and thus they were never in the picture from the start, or even prior to the start. We are different than the girls who have been abandoned, and we don’t suffer the way you do. We are not tainted as a result of a nasty divorce, we are not bitter, and we are not lonely.
We do, however, share the same shield of protection, and we fully understand that “people can just leave”. We also don’t want your pity.
We are also a few other things. We’re not even sure if we are pronouncing the word “Father” properly – and we stumble over the word when we must use it. We are not afraid of what you might think of us, but more concerned with how you will think about our mothers – the most beautiful creatures in our lives. We may not know what a functional, loving relationship looks like, and that is often the difficult part, but we are not broken. We are difficult, we are strong, and we can still love with every inch of ourselves, but we won’t love just anybody. We have to carefully and meticulously decide if a person is worthy of the love that has been saved up, stored away, unused. This can make us seem jaded, emotionally unstable, and you might assume we’re “different” because we have always been fatherless. But this is the misconception.
We still know how to listen, but we’ll likely do most of the talking because its likely we’ve only ever had a few people to talk to. Some of us might get anxious when asked about our families, but have been using the same phrases our whole lives and know how to maneuver around terminology that might spark an interest in how exactly we exist. We always feel we need to defend ourselves, our mothers, because we know how things happen, and we know we turned out alright, if not better than having a father around “just because”.
Our mothers may marry later in life, and it will be difficult to call our step-fathers “dad”, but they will feel just as nervous as you do about it, if not more so. They will never try to overpower the relationship you have with your Mother, but they will treat you like a daughter. They become a father figure to you, but you are still the type of girl who grew up fatherless.
Things that our future partners do won’t bother us, such as leaving a toilet seat in any which way, or asking us to do their laundry, or drinking from the carton. We’ve been women without men for so long that there is no sense of ingrained irritations with certain behaviors, although foreign, and it is almost a gift to us once we receive them.
We are different, yes. Difficult, when we need to be. Emotionally complicated, always. But, this type of girl without a father would never have it any other way.